Highschool Dropout

I just dropped out of grammar school (which is like highschool, as far as I know. It‘s basically four years of school that are supposed to prepare the students for university).
I‘m not sure if “dropped out“ is the right expression. Essentially, I failed. I had two insufficient report cards in a row and that‘s that.
Of course, I could‘ve chosen to repeat the year I failed (which is the third, so I would have to do two more years). So, why did I choose to do something completely different after having been at grammar school for three whole years? Let me explain.

There are essentially two reasons for my choice.

  1. My classmates. This is probably a stupid reason but I have really grown to love them. We have established a very comfortable atmosphere and there‘s a lot of trust involved. Some of them have become my best friends, almost my family. I‘ve come to realize that, if I was going to stay at that godforsaken school, it would have to be with those people. Of course, if I were to repeat the year, I‘d still be seeing them, I‘d just be in another class. So I came to a conclusion: Either everything is going to stay the same or I make a complete and radical change. And since the former is not possible, only the latter option remains. I‘m going to miss the shit out of my class. However, I firmly believe that keeping contact will be much easier if I‘m not at the school at all than if I‘m just in another class. Why? Because I‘m not the first to leave. And three of the people who have failed before me and chosen to repeat we have next to no contact with.
  2. Grammar school is not the right place for me. To succeed in that school, you either have to do well in a lot of the subjects so you can fail a couple (four at the most), or be average in every single one. I am neither of those. I have a few subjects I’m good at, actually just the languages (English, German, French and Italian. Even though at the last I have been failing miserably lately). In every single other subject I’m just no good, especially if there’s math involved. And with only three good grades, you’re not standing a chance at graduating. I honestly have no idea how I even made it through three whole years without failing.
    I know this sounds like a bad excuse but believe me, I have tried. Admittedly, I’m a very lazy student and procrastination is basically my biggest hobby. However, after my first insufficient report card I said “Come on you piece of shit, get off your ass”. And I did. I studied more than ever, dreading every exam and neglecting my free time. I often slept not much more than six hours and kept myself alive with coffee. I had actually done the same thing in the second semester of the first year. The difference? Then it worked, this time it didn’t. And having a midlife crisis at this age really sucks. So one day, not so long ago, I asked myself “Do you really want this?”. The reply my mind shouted was a firm “No”. I calculated my grades and realized that I wouldn’t make it. But by that time, this realization neither surprised me nor did it make me feel sad. Quite the opposite actually. And now that I have handed in my locker key and my student ID, I feel liberated. The time for a change has come.

I don’t know yet if I will someday regret my decision but for the time being, let me just say this: if you feel like shit at the place you are, change something. It’s a hard decision to make, sure, but you’ll come out at the other end a stronger and more self-confident person.

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